I know as disappointing it is to my regular readers, I have not been updating as often and I plan to change that. And I have reasons why. Lately, Ive been feeling really down. Ive been sad a lot lately, and Ive been crying myself to sleep. I may seem all cheery when you talk to me on AIM if you have been, but Im not. My mom found out my dad overpaid $5,000 in child support and she is losing it immediately which means she cant afford the apartment past what I think is May. And I am wanted by her and her wonderful b/f Jay to move in with them. But Jay hates cats and I cant give up my "babies" and my mom knows that I wont even give them to a close friend. She is trying her hardest to convince him that they come along with the deal. But that's only part of it. Kurt is an awesome guy and yeah, I like him. He stopped by Applebees yesterday about 515....of course I left at 4, so I didnt get to see him. He wanted to stop by and say hi and hang out there and grab a munchie with me before he had to go and do family stuff on his night off of work. The days that are good for me to see him arent good for him and vice versa. This week sucks cause of the Easter holiday and basically its fucking that over. Weve been still talking online. But tonight he seemed bummed out and I respected that cause I know that Wednesdays are his busy day at work (Orders come in, blah blah blah, and he usually pulls a 10 hour shift), so we only talked for a bit tonight. And Im bummed cause I wanna see him. But I like that he is a guy who has his own life, own friends, etc, and wont interfere with me being my own person but still. I wanna see him. Knowing he made an effort to stop by and surprise me at work means a lot though and it means he is somewhat interested. For which I am shocked about. At work, Adam really has been getting to me. He is done his training to be a server and Friday is his first day by himself without a trainer. And yesterday he and I fought all day and he at one point called me a selfish God damn little prick. Oh that is fucking pushing my buttons so I fucking gave him the cold shoulder for like the first 3 hours today, and then I helped him bus one of his tables that he had with Alyssa(who was training him), and he said thank you, and that I need to stop taking everything he says too seriously. And I told him there is a line that you should not cross with people, and that he needs to know when you take joking around too far. So we called truce and I think this is the new beginning. And we sat down and talked over some boneless mild wings and sodas. We work together Sunday night and I said I want him to be in the section next to mine and he said that'd be cool. Anyway now that I caught you up with THAT, I can get back to why Im so bummed. I really dont know why. I think Im just worried or sad, or I dont know. I haven't felt this sad or anything like this in AGES. Its scary cause I hope nothing is wrong with me or something. Im not a head case or anything, its just that I feel lonely, sad, and all that stuff at once. Im not like that all day, it just hits me randomly and BOOM, Im like that for a bit. Then something comes along and cheers me up and I forget I was sad. Its quite drastic. Happy, sad, happy, sad. I feel like a fucking yo-yo. Or a roller coaster. I hate roller coasters. You know, its a good thing that baseball season is starting soon, or Id be going bonkers beyond belief. Its my peace. I can watch a game and be totally in a zone and not be able to be disturbed and its a kick ass feeling, trust me. Everyone of my friends has "their thing" that gets them in that type of mindset, and that's mine. The runner on 1st...will he steal 2nd? Can the pitcher throw that one perfect strike to freeze the batter? Will the go ahead run be sacrificed? Its just so fun to me. Its like Jill and hockey. Kaytee and dirt track racing. Chris and football. This is MY peace. Yeah I was watching Jeopardy tonight and the final Jeopardy category was "Major League Baseball". Oh was I so happy, lol. I didnt get the question but its a doozie. Here it is. Name the two teams where the team name starts with the same letter and one "catches" the other. Go ahead and try it. Its tricky! Im feeling really down right now. Earlier tonight I plopped on my bed and cried. Just out of the blue. I really dont want anyone to think I am crazy. I just wonder if its something deeper that is bothering me and I dont know it. I dont like bothering people. I dont like talking about my problems. I am very chatty but not about this stuff. I was talking to my buddy Jake today at work while I was sitting down with a cup of hot tea and cream, and he said "No offense but you look like crap." Just what every girl wants to hear, huh? I told him Im just not myself lately, and he said Im sorry. :( Jakey is my special buddy, lol. Everyone loves him though. He is just that kinda guy. Allright Im gonna get going. Tomorrow Im bringing in this huge fucking purple star balloon for Alyssa's 21st. Her bday is actually Friday but she has off, so us day crew people are celebrating tomorrow! Lisa and I got her a $20 gift card to the state store and a cute card. We are an Apple family, lol. Pictures to follow! Current music~"My give a damn's busted"~JoDee Messina da2kokib/al19fl julie