Words can't say how used I feel right now.
Essam called me and asked if I wanted to hang out so I went over about 10. He tried to go to far with me and I stopped and he asked why I was stopping. I said I didnt want anything bad to happen, and he said to not worry...cause he is "test driving me like you do with a car to see if Im girlfriend material." I questioned this, and he said "You have to go all the way first to see if youre gonna like it if were dating." I was so stunned that I just acted like those words didnt hurt, so I just sat up and stared at the wall. He said we're still friends, but we might be best as just that. I didnt really have a reply for that. I just went home about 1030 and laid on my bed, grabbed my Braves blanket, covered my head and cried. I felt so HURt, so USED, and led on. I dont know how to put those feelings into words. First I find out Matt has a girlfriend, and then I find out that Essam is just "testing me out". Then I think to myself that the guy I really am interested in is someone I dont have a chance with cause theyre nowhere near me. Shit. Can this night be any worse? Oh yeah, Essam works with me tomorrow morning. Lord help me, I need all the strength I can get/deserve at this point.
Well, at least the Eagles kicked ass. They won 31-17 over the Giants. Wooohooo! da2kokib! Akers missed one field goal though...a 53 yard attempt,but its ok. David is still the best kicker in the NFC. No doubt in my mind, or the minds of any of those Fox announcers. Go Eagles! Rookie RG Shawn Andrews broke his leg in the 1st quarter! :( We had such high hopes for him, that we moved Jermaine Mayberry over to LG. Out for the season, such a shame. You could see his disappointment in his eyes. I feel so bad for him. Next game is Monday, 9/20 against the Vikings, in Philly! Woohoo! Monday night football on ABC!!! Yahoo! :D
On the plus side, tomorrow is new car day! Yeah! Since I am off on Tuesday morning, I am gonna take it crusing lol. Im such a dork. I am "on call" for night shift on Tuesday. Just what I need to play with my emotions...Matt and Essam. Hopefully, this guy named Justin will be working, he is fun to talk to. I have no interest in him other than that, but that's good. I need more people like that in my life, that are fun to talk to and sort of easygoing with life.
Braves won in extra innings today. We played the Expos. What??? Took 12 innings to beat Montreal? Yeah, sadly! It was a great game. Jose Cappellan made his MLB debut today on the mound for Atlanta, going 5 2/3 allowing 2 runs. And I have a problem with Atlanta reliever, Chris Reitsma. "Reits" is not used to coming into a game without inherited runners on base, so what does he manage doing? Walking the first two batters. Lovely. But it's John Smoltz who walked 2, and allowed 3 runs to score in the 9th, costing Cappellan a win in his debut. But what's even more odd is the fact that Smoltzie didnt strike ANYONE out! Whoa. Doubleheader tomorrow at Shea. (Mets for those non baseball people)
I need to end this entry and stop bullshitting myself that Im happy.
da2kokib/al19fl
julie