Its something unpredictable but in the end it's right. I hope you had the time of your life.
Yesterday I was a closer at work for dayshift and I had tables till 430, and as I was clocking out, Evan jumps me and asks "What's up?". I tell him I just might see him later if my friend Katie and I get his section when we come back that night to eat. He said just to reqyest his section.
So we did.
He was starving so we ordered some wings and now and then he came by and ate one (He paid me for them lol).
He kept coming to the table and just talking to us(Mostly me, lol) and the floor manager for the night, Bruce, who was making his rounds to the tables asking how everything was, asked "How is everything?" and I jokingly said "Horrible. Our server sucks!" and he laughed and said "Oh that's right, you have Evan!". Now, Bruce is the manager who everyone gets along wth and everyone can joke around with,lol. Then Bruce asks: "How long have you and Evan been dating? I didnt know you two were going out!" Shocked, I told him that wee;re not. Next time Evan stopped over, he brings a to go carton for the wings and his car keys, and asks if I can put the wings in his car for him and bring the keys back when Im done eating. Then he tells me that Bruce not only gave me 50% off but he also gae my friend half off too. Our bill for our meals and drinks, AND dessert and the wings was only $23. But we left Evan $15 tip cause its Applebees' courtesy to overtip when you come in to eat.
Ad hen he dropped off the togo carton, and his keys, I told him what Bruce asked me and he just called Bruce and said "Yo, we're not dating." And he smiled at me and droped off the check.
I borrowed Katie's pen and wrote a note on the check...
Thanks for being great tonight. Love, Jules
In the words of a song by a group called M2M...
If only wishes could be dreams then all my dreams could come true.
What the fuck is wrong with me? If its not one guy making me a mental mess, then its another. And its always when I think things are figured out. I want to be over liking Evan. So very much. We are from two totally different worlds. Different s nig and fucking day. But he is everything that I cant have. Yet he is so close that it is unreal. But in the same respect, he is out of reach. I know that probably makes no sense and I know for a fact that I am totally rambling. On and on to the point where I dont know why I am rambing. Maybe if I keep up my rambling, I will conclude something. I know that I can not let myself fall for what I cant have but in my heart I know that I fell. I did it and it is too late to turn back now. I only can prevent myself from falling deeper into this. Its an irreversible curse that I am in.
What can I do about this? Can I just turn my feelings off like I turn off a light? Can I just close my eyes and imagine a world where I will find the one for me? Am I looking in all the wrong places? Am I a total fool? I need to get out of this slump. I need to stop analyzing everythign to death and let things run their course. But that's my problem. I continue to nit pick and over-analyze everything. No wonder I am never satisfied. I just dont know how I am going to know how the right person for me IS the right person, because I put every guy who smiles at me on this unattianable pedestal. Fuck it. I should just give up but then again I dont want to do that. I just need to stop dreaming. But Im a dreamer.
I dont know what to do about the drama that is my life. Perhaps it is my destiny to wind up bitter and alone. Im 21 years old and I have no purpose in this world.
What a tangled web we weave.
da2kokib/al19fl
jules