Take all of my emotions, throw them in a blender and serve them. That's how I feel. The store meeting today at work was just a way to make me feel all messed up. I got to see Matt, Essam, Jess(And for those who haven't gotten the memo, Jess is a guy), and Evan all at once. And Ive had some insight.
No matter how fucking hot as hell Matt is, he HAS a g/f. Ive met her. She is prettier than I will ever be. But did he have to come in looking so fucking hot with his backwards hat on and looking oh my God so hot?(Did I fail to mention he looked hot?)
Essam and I didnt get a chance to talk any, but this was the first time I saw him in something that wasn't a work uniform, and he looked so drop dead fucking hotter than hell. Let's just say I wouldnt have minded taking him back home or going to his place and getting with him!
Jess. Ok well this one is interesting. He had Gabe with him. Gabe? Who is he, you ask? His one year old son. At least I assume Gabe is his son. Could've been someone he was babysitting or something. Hmmm. This will require further investigation.
Last but never least, Evan. I came in and sat down in one of the booths, and he joined me and told me he doesnt give a fuck if Kim shows up or not. He just wants his CD's out of her roommates' car. He is the only one out of the aforementioned guys who has to work after the meeting. Matt and Essam work tonight and I think Jess does too. Well, he said Kim might not even show cause she probably got wasted last night. But she did. And she sat down in a different booth and Evan eventually joined her and he said before that, that he would let me know tomorrow how it went and he again kept thanking me about the other day. He is so nice...but as I said before, I can not fall for him. Not only that, but the guy has a son coming in January from his old g/f. *sigh* Theyre still friends, despite how she blew him off.
Can't I ever find a guy who isnt taken, doesnt have a kid, doesnt want me just to sleep with, isnt from a totally different world, or isnt so far away? I doubt it, but I sure as hell am trying my hardest.
BJ says I should decide on someone instead of teasing myself with all these possibilities. I told him I am not going to settle. I know very well that I could have Essam if I wanted to, but I don't know if that's what I want. I am not going to settle for the first guy who looks at me. Not gonna happen.
Ok, on another note, let me say that my Braves got crowned the NL East champions for the 13th straight season. Yeah, that's right, the Braves. Kiss my ass everyone who said they'd never amount to anything this year because they didnt have Javy Lopez(God, I miss him on the team still),Gary Sheffield, Greg Maddux, and our quality reliever Ray King. And the way we got riduculed for picking up JD Drew from the Cardinals, considering his injury problems. And how Jaret Wright, Mike Hampton, Russ Ortiz, John Thomson and Horacio Ramirez wouldn't ever succeed as a starting rotation because they are not the likes of Maddux, Glavine, Smoltz and Avery...the Atlanta starting "Four Aces" of the earlier years in this 13 year title run. But despite Horacio's injury, we were awesome! Brought back Paul Byrd. He rocks. And Ortiz was July's NL Pitcher of the month. And we had 3 starters with a perfect record in July(Wright,Thomson and Ortiz). Smoltz was a nominee for player of the month in July. Kick ass. Totally kick ass might I say.
Fuck. I have to work at 3 tomorrow. Eagles start at 1, the race does as well. So I can watch the start of both of those, and when I get home, then I can check on the race results. The Eagles will be on the big TV by the bar at work. I hope I work in the "pit" (Seats around the bar area) or the smoking tables cause not only do they bring in good money at night, but it makes it easier to follow how the Eagles are doing. I know, dork alert, but I love my Eagles. The bartenders are allowed to wear Eagles' jerseys on gameday! :( One of our managers is going to try to see if servers can too. But I usually do not work on Sundays, this doesn't affect me too much, but damn it, I want to wear an Eagles' jersey to work! I wouldn't wear my Akers one. Its white, and I refuse to wear my beloved Akers jersey with the risk of spilling something on it that would be hard to get out. Id wear my McNabb(It is green) or Westbrook one(It is black).
Fuck it. Who am I kidding? My heart isnt really into this sports jibber jabber today. I just want to lay down and fall asleep, then wake up with all problems solved. I just want normalcy again, or some version of it. Won't happen at all. Not soon anyway. Not with the way I complicate things. Just when I think I have a grip on what I want to do, one more thing comes up and I have to sort THAT out(In this case, the thing that came up was this ordeal with Evan). I can not win, I swear to God. I don't have the energy left in me to take one more thing going wrong. Or one more thing come along that I need to figure out.
Well back to sports. (Yes, I change subjects a lot). Doug got to see the Braves clinch in person last night. Fuck, shit, damn it, go to hell! I hate you! Naw, not really but I am so jealous. Then I tell myself that I got to personally meet Rafael Furcal and get a baseball from John Smoltz in July, and that somewhat balances it out. But not totally. (sigh) Oh well. When I goto Turner Field in the springtime(Oh I can not fucking WAIT!), I will be on cloud 9 all day. Not only cause I get to finally live my dream and goto the Ted(Nickname for the Braves' field), but I get to spend some time with a fellow Braves fan! :D Wooohooo! Go me! God, I am such a dork lol.
Ok now I am going to goto the Braves' message board I am part of and party with the fellow Braves fans who are rejoicing about what we were told we'd never see to have happen this year.
da2kokib/al19fl
julie