I don't get my life sometimes. I have a great family, wonderful friends,a great job that I love. I have a roof over my head, I have two cool pets who rock. I have a bed to sleep in everynight. But somewhere along the way, I became dissatisfied.
My goal was to get a new job by August, and I have done so. I am proud of myself, and that's the first time in awhile I have been.
I'm no longer tied down to a relationship I felt stuck in. I'm free to go out and have fun. And if I feel like coming home from work to sit around in my sweatpants and curl up in my bed to watch the Braves game, I dont owe anyone an explanation for why I choose to do that. I dont owe an explanation to anyone but myself. Im free to make up my own mind and not worry about whether or not I am going to have to feel trapped into going out the next night to make up for sitting around alone the night before. I dont have to listen to someone else's family trying to tell me the best thing to do in my life. They tried to get me to apply for jobs I wouldnt ever want. They even wanted to pay for me to goto a community college for two years, no strings attached. When I said no, they told me I was foolish. Well last time I looked, theyre not my parents, and my mother and father are supportive of my life, the decisions I make in it, and most importantly, theyre supportive of me. And that's what counts.
I have been taking more pride in myself lately too. I bought some makeup and began wearing it. I mean, I wear it from time to time, but for what reason? None really. I want to make myself FEEL like I look my best. I dont overdo it and make myself look like a clown. Just subtle. I am getting my hair cut today too, before I goto dinner at my mom's b/f's house. I havent gotten it cut since after New Years' and it really needs it. Badly. Ive had it trimmed since then, but I need a new style. Nothing out of this world crazy. Just something new to bring out the me that Ive been sheltering for so long.
I want to be the me who is allowed to like the things I like without feeling like Im stupid for liking it. I want to be in a relationship with someone who respects I have my own interests. I dont need them to share them all, but Id like to have something in common with them.
Id like a guy who doesnt think I have to bring him along when I want a girls night out with his friends. I want a guy who has his OWN friends so he doesnt try to include himself with everything my friends and I do.
I want to be able to be myself. I need to be able to do that. But in a way, I feel this relationship stripped me of my own identity. Who am I? Who is Julie?
Well Julie...whoever she is...is gonna go get the laundry out of the dryer and continue watching the Twins and Chi Sox game. And I dont owe an explanation for why.
da2kokib and al19fl
julie