Whoever came up with the saying "Honesty is the best policy" needs to be fucking shot.
Now youre wondering, gee Julie, what did you fuck up now? Good question. And now for a good answer.
Burned. If you tell someone how you feel about them, you most likely, with 9 to 10 odds, are gonna be fucking burned. Oh and especially if the person told you before how they felt, and you are so stupid and can not let go.
Letting go. What a concept that is. Funny thing is, it would be easier to let this person go, or just the feelings about them....if they weren't so great to you. If they did not treat you how you feel you should be treated, if you couldn't talk to them about anything...anytime, and not feel weirded out by it. If the person didn't genuinely care about you. If the person was not scared off by a horrible picture of you and honestly told you it looked nice.
If the person wasn't seven fucking hours away and made it 100% clear that a relationship just is not in the cards.
Why the hell is this so damn hard for me? Am I a complete idiot? Sure as hell feel like one about now. Im to the point where letting the feelings go is an extremely difficult task, and I do not know if and when I can actually do that.
Ever care for someone in that way so damn much and your feelings are not returned? Ever feel that way about a person who you have known for years and is one of your good,good friends? Try that one on for size. Not fucking easy to go through.
Part of me refuses to give up how I feel. Why, you ask? Cause that very part of me stil is tied down and convinced that hell or high water I have a chance and a prayer in this matter. Wish I did. Wish I did...but seriously, what are the odds of my feelings being returned? The odds truly are not in my favor, which is not a shock to me, because when do I ever feel how I supposedly think I deserve to feel? Like...never. But oh well.
It is so damn hard to do.
I know very well that the person this entry is about reads this diary regularly, and I don't care. Now that my emotions are out in the open, the world can know how I feel and I do not even care.
I do not even care.... Bullshit, Julie. You DO care and that's what got your sorry ass into this predicament. {{{sigh}}}
I think some song lyrics from some Lonestar songs will help show how I feel...
So hold me responsible for anything I might have said. It was just the tequila talkin' when I told you Im still not over you. I get a little sentimental when I've had one or two. And that tear in my eye was the salt and the lime. Not the memory of you walkin'...from "Tequila talkin'"
Every little thing that you do, baby Im amazed by you......from "Amazed"
You can't help how you don't feel and it doesn't matter why. Give me a chance to bow down gracefully, cause that's how I want you to remember me. Im gonna smile cause I wanna make you happy now. So you cant see me cry. Im gonna let you go in style and even if it kills me, Im gonna smile....from "Smile"
I am gonna go now....need to do some stuff then I am gonna go get McD's food and settle in and watch "Animal house" cause I rented it cause Chris told me how great it is. Hope he is right.
da2kokib and al19fl
julie